just a drop of rain
in this sea of souls..
i miss music.
i miss the feeling of an ensemble.
i miss the complete immersion in something so beyond words.
i miss being talented.
i miss having the ability to express myself without trying to explain myself.
music is such a vulnerable and yet beautiful thing. and it’s hard to find these days.
don’t get me wrong, i can have fun listening to the radio and the supposed “music” that is popular.
but real music? raw, lyric-less melodies spilling out into the void not looking for anyone to sing to it or to even recognize it; just reaching out, letting the joy of it’s complex simplicity pour over people’s souls. that is the music i miss.
Being the second week of college, I have found that I am a new type of stressed. In high school I would be stressed because I had to juggle between band, homework, job, time with friends, and time with family. Now, however, I am stressed (okay, i’m not exactly stressed, but thats the best word I can think of, lol) about all the little details. Things like: Organizing my desk and room. Checking the mail. Buying groceries. Laundry. Cleaning my dorm. Getting my football ticket. Ordering this and that. Paying bills. Etc.
I guess you could say, I’m growing up. I have more of the little responsibilities, and no time frame in which they’re to be done. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like that I can make my own decisions and have no one to report back to. But, I sort of miss high school in the sense that I know exactly what I will be doing each day. I had a routine. I knew it well, and I liked it, despite my complaining. And yes, I do like having days where I don’t have a schedule or routine. They are nice. But that is for summer or the weekend. College is a mix between summer and school. I didn’t think I would have a problem mixing the two. Apparently I do though.
Goal: Work on time-management.
Wish: Feel okay about not having a plan, yet getting things done.
Should I end this blog off with a question?
I always knew that I was an introvert, but I hadn’t realized how much of an introvert I was until college. With constant activity going on all around campus, I find myself wanting to just sit, breathe, and think. I need time to process my thoughts and feelings. I’m an observer, so when I am in public, I absorb people. I watch. I listen. I never process any of my own feelings or thoughts. That is until I’m alone, finally.
The only other thing that helps me process is being with Kayann. She helps me regain energy so well. I think it’s because we are always either at the same point in our life or have been there before, so we connect. She gets me. She says things perfectly. I miss her. A lot..
Goal: Make time for myself in my schedule.
Wish: That I could spend time with Kayann.
Anyone else part of Introverts Anonymous? :)
happens when tears come down your face as you talk to them on the phone. It happens when you see something and think of them. When you hear a funny joke and want to tell them. When you see someone who looks even slightly like them and want to go up to the person. When you see gifts they would like and want to buy them no matter what the price.
It happens when your heart hurts the most when you haven’t seen them in a while. It happens when you are having fun and thinking “I wish I was doing this with ______”. It happens when you remember the laughter shared with them and realize you don’t laugh like that with anyone else. It happens when you start to tear up at just the thought of them.
Realizing who your best friends are happens when you leave for FSU…..
All of that to say:
I miss you.
because the Lord sustains me.” Psalm 3:5
This verse, well actually all of Psalm 3, is very real for me right now. Day three of college is here and I feel so very unprepared. When did I become this old? How am I supposed to know what to do? Will there be anyone that I love as much as my old friends? How do I handle being homesick? Am I smart enough for the classes? Do I look ‘college’ enough?
All these thoughts are racing through my head. So many unanswered questions. So many doubts.
But then, I read Psalm 3:5-6. “I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.”
There is so much freedom in college. You really can do whatever you want. There is no one looking over your shoulder. It’s all up to you. This overwhelmed me and still is. What if I don’t make the right choices? What if I waste my time?
But I know one thing that will remain faithful and steady. I know that the Lord sustains me. I know that I live and breathe, lie down and wake up, because the Lord sustains me. And because of this, I will not fear all these doubts and choices. Strength is found in weakness. I am the weakest I have ever been, Lord give me your strength.
There was a girl of eighteen getting ready to start life as a college student.
She realized how momentous this was going to be for her future.
There will be a time when she will want to remember her thoughts, fears, excitements, and simple life events.
Her affinity for writing and technology lead her to make a blog.
So here she is, writing her life-in-college blog.
4 years to go
0 days done
